MMO Rant #8: OMG, This Rat is So Much teh Uber

Have you ever played an MMO in which it was apparently determined to be okay to scatter rats, snakes, bears, boars, and wolves throughout every level range of the game? Perhaps the better question is, have you ever played a fantasy MMO in your entire life? If you have, then you know exactly what I’m talking about, and you may very well be as tired of this crap as I am.

First, let me back up just a little bit: It is never okay for a normal rat, a tree snake, a sheep, a dove, or a doe to even be a threat to my life. NEVER. I play fantasy MMOs to be more of a badass than I am in real life, and if a normal freaking rat is a threat to my life in a game in which I’m supposed to be heroic, I’m going to stop playing the game and become an exterminator in real life instead–at least I’d get paid.

A rodent of unusual size, anaconda, ram, a disfigured radioactive carrion, or moose are perfectly fine alternatives to what I listed above. They are still less awesome than giants and dragons and elementals, but at least you don’t see me trying to take those creatures on in real life. I’m immediately slightly more of a badass in the game than I am in real life, so I haven’t quit the game just yet.

Where I decide the game is stupid and boring is the third or fourth time I see a wild boar that is somehow more threatening than the last ones I saw at level 25. What the deuce? Sometimes there is a little creativity involved–the boars have a different texture, are bigger, or have fire coming out of their arse and acid coming out of their eyeballs, but often I can hardly tell the difference between these boars and the last boars.

I know, you spent a lot of time on the model of the crazy mean boars. People like familiarity. You don’t have time to make more art assets. Whatever. I don’t care about the excuses anymore. At this point, it pisses me off what people get away with as “content,” and we need to see a shift from game designers for this crap to stop being churned out.

In Summary: Don’t you ever make anything that isn’t a threat to me in real life a threat to my character in any MMO in which I am supposed to be a hero; don’t make me fight the same animal mob more than a couple times, and certainly not for 30 effing levels; get creative and stop sticking your thumb up your ass looking for ideas, because they obviously aren’t up there.

Side Note: Don’t be surprised to see an area in some world I work on in the future with gigantic bunnies and other completely non-threatening crap blown out of proportion because I think it’s hilarious.

Love, Ryan.

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