Throughout this website, I predominantly use the male pronoun “he.” This is, naturally, because I am a sexist, misogynist pig who hates members of the female gender and wishes to insult them. In my observations, women like this type of response from men and will usually react to it by getting hot and bothered and wanting to have sex with them.

This is, according to theory, because women think they can change “bad boys” into better people (and possibly because they are more adventurous and fun). What they don’t understand is that the self-same man will just find another woman to do his bidding and give him lots of sex. Point made, women are stupid… and so are men.

This page contains explicit lyrics or/and randomly incoherent ramblings from multiple parties (who reside in my head). I wish also to add that I inadvertently incorporate many additions of incomprehensible blasphemy as an inclusion to the site itself. This is entirely intentional.

The creator of this website obviously believes in the factual existence of magic, thaumaturgy, and anything that is generally recognized to be something pertaining to the occult, like Harry Potter or honesty in politics. It is quite clear that I mean harm by this and often sacrifice small children and *gnomes to pagan deities.

I might also encourage sacrificial practices in others, especially impressionable young teenagers with a weak grasp on reality. This site exists for the simple purpose of tainting and corrupting your children, as well as lowering the self-esteem of those deemed to be idiots. That includes, but is not limited to: anyone looking at this site or disclaimer, anyone asking if they can be in beta, and the general populace of the world in question — namely, Earth, and the citizens of Canadia (and also trolls and elves in Iceland).

I factually acknowledge that magic and spells are entirely real. Knowing this, I plan to use my vast majical abilities to destroy your homes, brainwash your children, and curtail the lives of all who cross me. The methods of my magicks are hidden randomly within this site, and you are clearly not intelligent enough to find the magekal roots.

I use loquacity and depravity in order to make clear my deranged motives for proving a certain mastery of eloquence and intentional neglect of the English language. The manifestation of all my viewers’ fears is the primary purpose to the existence of this website and, as such, I would like to undermine the confidence of my readers.

Disclaimer to the Disclaimer

The preceding disclaimer was, of course, for entertainment purposes only. The bits that I really mean are contained within the text and distributed at random so as not to be decipherable as the truth. Looking really hard at your screen and attempting to discover these truths could make you nearly as powerful as I (it’s like a Magic Eye. Really! It is! No it isn’t).

You must understand that this site and/or disclaimer is not intended to make any sense at all; if you don’t take kindly to nonsensical hogwash, please get out. If you feel that my absurd peregrine is inoffensive then, by all means, stay and contribute. If by some random chance something does make sense, find a psychologist or witchdoctor.

The author of this site is a disgruntled person who wishes to better himself via the abuse of the lighter-minded individuals of the internet community. He also wants to make people believe that he is intelligent and clever. Barring the assumption of intelligence, he at least wants to make people comment on his ramblings or go cry to mommy about them.

I am in no way responsible for any information that is obtained, inferred, or otherwise communicated via this website. Anything negative that results from the use or viewing of this website is not my fault and not my problem; I had nothing to do with it! If rash occurs, discontinue use immediately and consult a physician. I am not to be taken seriously, literally, or believed in any way, shape, or form (except maybe for the serious parts of this disclaimer… remember the Magic Eye).

All statements on this website are the opinions of an individual (and that person only). I do not take credit for anything that could be considered slander and will not be held liable for comments that appear anywhere on this site. Anything that can possibly be damaging to a company, person, place, thing or llama is not to be taken sincerely. All defamatory and/or malicious comments are not meant to be interpreted for what they are not (this is just entertainment, bro), even if it’s at your expense.

If I have taken your personal comments or actions completely out of context, this is absolutely on purpose. It is my dream to destroy facts and simple truths in order to offend such people as those who take offense to slander, and thereby make myself feel better about the lot ascribed to me in “real life” because I am unattractive, fat, stupid, and poor. Mostly the poor part. Okay, the fat part too… and also ugly… 🙁

This website is rated N for Nobody and may contain:
Alcohol References, Animated Blood, Blood, Blood and Gore, Cartoon Violence, Comic Mischief, Crude Humor, Drug References, Fantasy Violence, Intense Violence, Language, Lyrics, Mature Humor, Mild Violence, Nudity, Partial Nudity, Real Gambling, Sexual Content, Sexual Themes, Sexual Violence, Simulated Gambling, Strong Language, Strong Lyrics, Strong Sexual Content, Suggestive Themes, Tobacco References, Use of Drugs, Use of Alcohol, Use of Tobacco, Violence, Violent References

Furthermore, if you are offended by:
laughter, language, abusive phrases, bigotry, idiots, violence, majicka, trickery, overuse of the word “arse,” alcohol, nudity, gnomes, irony, sarcasm, receptacles, over-inflated egos, humor, apparent disregard for euphemisms, disrespect, ridicule, the word “crone,” misbehavior, dorfs, insolence, twits, racism within virtual worlds, hoaxes, blasphemy, polygamy, misogyny, profanity, irreverence, desecration, consecration, or anything else that could possibly be considered offensive… DO NOT VISIT THIS SITE!

* gnome: An idiot, a jackass, an annoying bastard. One who is deemed so by the elite (in other words, the creator of this website). Someone who, no matter their age, insists on acting like a total chowderhead, simpleton, or nincompoop. One who babbles like the noodlehead he is. A person who resorts to petty name-calling and unintelligent criticism. A stupid lout who makes the jobs of those who wish to insult him easy. One who frequently spouts mindless drivel.

Real Disclaimer

The content of this website is mine alone, and it has not been reviewed or approved by my employer. Posts and comments on this website do not necessarily express the views of the company I work for or other employees of the company. If you are offended by anything on this website, I apologize, as that is not the goal of anything I post here.

Return to Ryan Shwayder's Nerfbat »